How to Survive in Texas

For those who have been reading my blog, I took a few days off. I came across this e-mail from my friend in Texas, Mike. The funny thing about this is that most of it is true.
Enjoy
SSG OZ

o Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
o There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas. *STANTON TEXAS TO BE EXACT!
o There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen
before.
o Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.
o If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
o Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
o There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.
o A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
o In West Texas the wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until
October 2.
o "Onced" and "twiced" are words.
o "Coldbeer" is one word.
o People actually grow and eat okra.
o Green grass DOES burn.
o When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your
front gate in the middle of the night.
o The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
o When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.
o "Fix-in-to" is one word.
o There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there's supper.
o "Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two.
o "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything there is to know about you.
o "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
o You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until
you're done or it's too dark to see.
o You measure distance in minutes.
o You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
o Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
o You will see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no
matter what time of the year.
o All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, a vegetable or a varmit.
o You install security lights on your! house and garage and leave both unlocked.
o You carry jumper cables for your own car.
o You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
o You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.
o You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
o Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
o The local papers covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to
cover Friday night high school football.
o The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
o You know which leaves make acceptable toilet paper.
o You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
o All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
o You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he
opens his mouth.
o Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world." o You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
o A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.
o Baby outfits and bibs, say "I messed in Texas".